I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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