Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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