sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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