Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am available for nakedness
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
