Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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