The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How does it feel to date your dad?
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