I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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