When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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