just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize