Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
