Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
