youre lurking in front of me
Your dad touched me again.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize