is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
