I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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