i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
