Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
