so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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