Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
