did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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