please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize