You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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