I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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