coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize