I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
