I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
