apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
