I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
