he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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