i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
