You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
