Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
