Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
