Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
