im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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