What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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