I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
