It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize