turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
