Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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