Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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