so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
