guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
