i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
