it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
