just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
