I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
