Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
