I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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