My cat gives me a boner
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
