i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
