everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
