remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
