I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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