Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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