I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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