the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
