Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
