walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
