I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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