i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
