This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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