that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
